How to Figure Out You While You’re Single

It’s time to get real about your love life—like really real, like looking-at-the-wound real. You are a single and into it. You’re building your career, being creative, meeting people, dating—or either attempting to date, have the intention to date or will start dating once you accomplish some of your goals.

Let’s be real, something is in the way when it comes to relationships and you know it. 

Are you still healing from a past relationship? Has it been difficult to meet someone? Your heart flutters, you’re there for it and it goes nowhere? Does dating and getting to know someone feel like it drains you of your energy?

It’s understandable that other things you’re passionate feel more worthy of your time and energy than dating. While relationships can be amazing, they can also be messy and a lot of work. Yet, desiring and cultivating love can be one of the most beautiful processes you can experience in a lifetime.

What if being single was the invitation of a lifetime to work on your “junk?” What if it was an opportunity to heal and reset? To do so, you have to commit to learning more about yourself—your strengths, your weaknesses, your habits and unhealthy patterns, your quirks, your pet peeves and even areas you can use more growth in. Think of it like a journey; you have to enjoy the process more than just arriving at the destination.

You have to commit to learning more about yourself.

Here are a few things to consider on your journey to self-discovery and “junk” removal:

1. Talk with a professional.

The best investment you could make is to work with a trained, impartial person like a therapist and/or certified coach on matters of the heart.  They can guide you to explore deeper aspects of yourself that are challenging to do on your own. Although you are brilliant, there are always things you cannot see about yourself. Be open to this.

2. Practice non-judgment. 

When you commit to personal work, it’s important to approach it with a spirit of humility. Everyone is on their own journey and removing old patterns requires patience, love and respect. Practicing non-judgment for yourself and others is essential. In order to grow, you have to let go of long-held opinions and beliefs. An added benefit is becoming a more receptive, empathetic and sensitive person.

3. Define what is hindering you.

Take time to journal about all the things getting in the way of healthy relationships. Think about factors from the past that persist to present day. Think about things inside of you and outside of you that you can and cannot control. Commit to changing something that is within your control.

4. Come to terms with past wounds.

Take time to journal about relationships from the past that continue to hold you back today. What is the theme of the story? What is the personal message you received from this experience? Take note on how it shows up in the present and make a conscious decision to make changes going forward.

Being single is a time to thrive before another person comes into your life. Commit to understanding yourself—”junk” and all—and make changes that could benefit who you are and how you show up, right now.

To heal yourself is not only a journey, it’s like unlocking the mysteries of the world in you. Point by point, you get to reclaim the constellation that makes up your life before you build a universe with another person.

Are there any unhealed wounds on your heart from past relationships? How can you be intentional about getting to know yourself better while you are single?

Images via Ashley Turner, Darling Issue No. 1