To All the Single Valentines

Are you dating anyone? The question that makes everyone squirm just a bit and tends to bring a whirlwind of emotions and uncomfortable conversations. “No, I’m single! Really enjoying it though.” 

For me, my face turns red and I tend to joke about being single, when I really just do not know how to respond. Deep down, I am not content all the time with being single.

I’ve learned that I tend to play this game with myself. Whether it be meeting someone new, or walking into a room, I am continually scanning the area and thinking to myself, “Is he wearing a ring? I Wonder if I could date him? Does he think I’m cute? Because I think he’s cute…” It turns into this cycle that ends with me being disappointed for having a false idea and expectation of something that was never even real in the first place.

Singleness is constantly looked at as isolation. As if those of us who are single are missing out on “something.” But I want to propose a new perspective: What if singleness was looked at as a blessing rather than a curse? What if it was viewed as a season of being alone so that there is room for something to be ignited in us that we would never find otherwise?

I am not “a single person who sometimes is content,” I am “a content person who sometimes struggles with being single.”

The emotions of rejection, isolation, comparison, unworthiness, and discontentment tend to rise up in me and I often allow them to be the ruler of my life. I’ve had to learn to take control of my negative emotions, and embrace and declare the healthy ones over my life. When we reframe the emotions we feel, this allows us to feel fully alive in the process of working through seasons of being single.

Singleness is a gift! It is period in our lifetime that is set apart, where we don’t have to worry about someone else that we are dating. It is a season of taking the time to learn about WHO we were created to be; our real, authentic self. It’s a time to discover the passions that drive us and gain a deeper understanding of our purpose.

Singleness is not just a time for us to hide and keep to ourselves. It is a time to be an example of truly walking in our own strength and individual purpose—rising up to the opportunity singleness offers and embracing the gift of being able to refine ourselves. 

So, let us lay down any comparison that may come our way in singleness, and learn to be thankful that we are in this season. Darling, if you are single, join me in taking charge of this season, embracing it with arms wide open. Pay attention as the best version of YOU is revealed and in turn, you start to love yourself, just the way you are. 

Images via Darling Issue 11 by Frank Terry and We are the Rhoads.