Redefining What It Means to 'Treat Yourself'

I grew up with the “treat yourself” mentality.

Treat yourself to dessert
to an extra helping
to yet another bag, shirt or label.

But why would it be a treat if it fueled my

anxiety
depression
and emptiness

But I kept believing the
marketing,
kept following the
messages from society.

There was a little tug in the center of my soul
”Why would I treat myself with something that doesn’t really feel like a treat at all?”

But it continued into motherhood.

You earned that glass of wine.
You earned an escape from reality via
food,
media
and more and more caffeine.

But why was it never
You earned that 15 minutes alone?
or
You earned the courage to get help?
or
You earned the space to meditate?

Why was this never the collective message? That we earned the right to heal ourselves?

It’s almost like the people
(not the immediate people in my life)
but a more removed, influential and
systemic group
have wanted me
have wanted us
to fail
at healing ourselves.

To stay addicted to
the sweets
the alcohol
the purchasing
the hazy goggles.

So I, so that we, could be distracted enough that we would never realize
we don’t need
any one of those things
to get through.
and to thrive.

So I’ve been changing the dynamic.
I’m starting to call a treat
fresh fruit
a bath
and waking up early for quiet space and self-love
and honest healing.

And I’m not reaching
for perfect or rigid.
An occasional sweet or glass of wine
is not bad in and of itself.
I’m simply being more careful with
my inner
dialogue and
how
I
treat
myself.